Sunday, March 5, 2017

BREAKING : Harvard University Announces '6-month Tea Selling Experience' Compulsory for All Admissions

A tea stall vendor poses while wearing a mask of BJP
prime ministerial candidate Narendra Modi in Kolkata. 

After proposing to award Hon Doctorate to India's Prime Minister Narendra Modi, Harvard, world's top university, has made a revolutionary change in its admission policy. 

"Prime Minister Narendra Modi has clearly proved that "a son of a poor mother", like him, can manage India's complex economy in a much better way than highly experienced Harvard-educated professional economists some of whom are even Nobel Laureates," Drew Faust, President of Harvard University, is supposed to have said in a yet to be released press note. Ms. Faust was clearly referring to the recent election speech of Modi in which he claimed that his decision of demonetizing India's high-value currency notes - called NoteBandi - was a great decision. Modi also gave GDP growth figures and other data in support of his claim.

Harvard University
"It has been our tradition to honor people like Narendra Modi who take the risk of being wrong because we strongly feel that it is the best way to learn and grow," Ms. Faust is reported to have said. She profusely lauded Modi for his successful career as a tea seller. "I am delighted to honor PM Modi for effectively managing a complex country like India using precious experience acquired by him with Hard Work selling tea. I am sure selling tea in India would be equally complex," she is understood to have said. "At Harvard, we recognize Modi's Hard Work. Accordingly, we are making it compulsory to have a minimum 6-month experience of selling tea in any of the villages in India for all those who wish to apply for admission to the University for any of the courses being offered," she reportedly added. 

According to F4Fnews' coward sources, who always request for anonymity, Ms. Fraust will be trying to convince PM Modi to take out some time from his busy electioneering schedule to be a visiting faculty for imparting 1-week of special training to students during their study at Harvard. Ms. Fraust is understood to have made a very lucrative offer to Modi for six such visits to Harvard every year as long as he remains the PM.

F4Fnews' friendly sources from the Harvard campus have informed that students are planning for the massive protest against University's new admission criterion calling it draconian, useless, and based on bogus claims of Modi, who is nicknamed 'feku' (a liar) by all the opposition parties in India. 
Amitabh Bachchan at the US-India Initiative
Conference held in Mumbai in January 2017

US-India Initiative, a student-run organization at Harvard, is likely to come under pressure by students from other countries who have appealed the university authorities to restrict the new admission rule for students from India only. Campus sources say that a lot of Indian students, too, are against Harvard's decision to introduce what they call 'Modinomics' by making 6-month tea selling experience a pre-requisite for the admission to the world acclaimed institute of learning. Students, by and large, feel worried that this might severely damage Harvard's reputation and undermine job prospects of those passing out. "Tea making and selling are hardly a USP in today's modern world. What message the University wants to give to the corporate world is beyond my comprehension," said a Chinese student at a campus gathering yesterday.

But there are a few die-hard supporters of PM Modi from many countries who think that Modi wouldn't have been successful in becoming India's prime minister had he not sold tea in the childhood. "Look at his achievements from cheapest travel to Mars to launching 104 satellites at one go to single-handedly running the huge country. 'Harvard cannot beat Hard Work' is absolutely right," they state proudly.

F4Fnews will update this story as and when any new information is made available by our news production facility, which was revived and upgraded recently. 

GD Jasuja : Founder, Faking4Fun Twitter : @gdjasuja
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